Thursday, October 11, 2018

It's A Dog's Life...

Lounging...
This is my derpy dog, Nobu...
He's an 11 year old Shiba Inu (soon to be 12 in February). Sadly, Nobu is starting to feel the effects of his age, now. I swear to god, my dog has dementia or something... 
About a year or two ago, he began exhibiting some odd behavior. It wasn't destructive, just annoying. He began running laps around my coffee table like he was in a NASCAR race... like as many laps as they make in an actual NASCAR race (which is, what, 100-200 laps?) once or twice a day. But, as time went on, it was becoming more of a constant. It got to the point where I had to barricade off both ends between the coffee table and sofa because I just couldn't stand watching this crazy nervous behavior. It was actually making me feel crazy nervous to watch him! Then it began getting worse... He started running up and down the stairs or running back and forth across the house. Sometimes he would come over to me while I was relaxing, watching TV, and just stare at me like he was trying to figure out who the fuck I was. At first, I thought it might be because he had the beginnings of cataracts, but then I realized he was still staring at me in the same way, even when I spoke to him. 
I took him to the vet, explained his behaviors, that I thought he may have dementia and that his nervous behavior was driving me crazy. Apparently, this happens in older dogs sometimes. She prescribed Xanax to help with his feelings of anxiousness. It helps, a little... though I'm still puzzled as to how my dog gets more Xanax than I do. What's up with that?! I think my doctor is short changing me... 
Sadly, Nobu's behavior is getting worse. One day, he chewed into a bag of potatoes and half ate three of them and chewed the lid off a bottle of natural supplements to calm dogs down (I still don't know if he ate any, but I had to make a few calls to the vet as well as the company that made the treats) and another time he literally destroyed an empty milk jug (I still can't find the cap, I think he ate it). 
I'm beginning to think I should open a nursing home for dogs... Look how many people drop their relatives off in homes when they start loosing their marbles simply because they can't deal with them! There may be a new business venture in creating nursing homes for demented dogs...

Not very far... Not... very... far...
Needless to say, life has been a bit chaotic... I've been having to watch my dog like a hawk to keep him out of trouble, make sure he doesn't attack my other dog and two cats... and to make sure he doesn't have accidents. Yeah, that's been a thing, too. Most times he whines when he needs to go, but not always. I feel like I'm caring for a toddler and I have to be on my toes all the time. 
Let me tell you... the ecard on the right...? I have an answer to that question. Not nearly far the fuck enough... I wish that was an understatement, but it's not. I've had a lot of stresses weighing me down lately. When it rains, it certainly does pour... I feel like I've been blindsided. Everything hit me all at once, and in the middle of all that, my dog decided it was a good time to completely lose his fucking marbles. Thanks, Nobu, I appreciate that... Really...
Some days there just isn't enough Calgon, Xanax or Margaritas in the world to take you even remotely far enough away...

Hahahaa...
Well, at least I can say that I seem to be overcoming my identity crisis. Sort of... Honestly, I think it's because I'm just so stressed out and focused on more important things that I just can't be bothered with figuring out who I am right now. But that's okay... Maybe getting through all this crazy shit will help me figure out who I am and what I'm about. 
I have learned one thing... I was definitely broken by some of these events. But, in the end, I picked up the pieces and super glued them back together. They're a bit askew, but they're together. Close enough...

Speaking of broken... I think I broke myself in a different fashion the other morning...
I haven't been sleeping well (what a shocker) and spend most of the night dreaming and waking up a lot. Now, I have no idea if I was having a violent dream, if I was just really restless or just too close to the edge, but I ended up getting rudely awoken at about 4:30AM because I rolled off the edge and landed on the floor. Hard... The worst part of this was that my left knee took the brunt of the hit. It would have been bad no matter which knee did, actually, because I need them both replaced. I did wake up enough to realize what was happening and put my hands out to brace myself, so my whole body took one hell of a jolt. I spent my entire day after that just laying around and aching everywhere. My knee still hurts, but thankfully the rest of me feels better. I'm beginning to think I need some safety rails or something...

Truer words, man...
But onto more interesting things...
I have a friend I made online who is a professional artist in her country (I won't say which). We met years ago and have becoming great friends in that time. She has been a huge inspiration for me when it comes to my art. She's inspired me to push boundaries and not be confined. 
Over the years, she and I occasionally send each other packages through the mail. I often send her certain art supplies, like washiest tape, that I know she can't get from the suppliers she buys from. Many times, I'm in a store, picking up my own supplies, and thinking she's love a certain roll of tape or some little oddity that I find, and I'll buy them for her and stock up. When I have enough to make it a worthwhile cost, I mail everything out to her with some little note. In return, she does the same for me. 
I recently sent her one of my care packages and received one back not long after. I was very inspired by all this, for some reason, so I began working again. And not just working, but doing traditional drawings! Lately, I've been so into using a drawing program on my computer that I've done little traditional drawing. I've also been doing more art journal entries. In fact, I made one dedicated to her after I received her last care package. She loved it so much, she asked if she could share it on her social media pages! I was so flattered! 

That's an impossibility...
So, in closing, my dear readers (of which I'm thinking I don't have any, but oh well..) I'll leave you with the message on the left...
Just remember, silencing the mind isn't always the easiest thing in the world to do. Especially if you're someone like me... 
I swear my mind gets bored when I sleep... The majority of my dreams are like movies and TV shows. Weird movies and TV shows... 

I really wish my brain had a "sleep" mode like my television does... 


Monday, June 11, 2018

a.k.a.... Person Or Persons Unknown...

We all face it sometimes...
Identity... It's more than just your driver's license with vaguely pertinent information like your height, weight, hair and eye color... and the worst picture that anyone has ever taken of you. It's more than the name you give yourself on the internet for blogs, social networking or personal websites... It's more than the pictures we choose to use to represent ourselves online, whether it's a random picture, a real photo or, as in my case, a self portrait you drew or painted. It's so much more than all that...
But the question remains... What, exactly, is identity? It seems to mean different things to different people.
And how well do we really know ourselves...?
At some point, I think we all ask ourselves the questions in the image on the left. If you haven't... wait... Most everyone goes through it at some point, questions themselves, wonders who they are... who they really are... what their purpose in life is. I know there's someone reading this right now, saying to themselves, "I've never done that. I've always known who I am and always will." Either you're full of shit or you're a person who is changeless. I'm not sure that being changeless is a good thing... How else can we grow as people if we don't change...?
Why hello there...

Lately I've been having a major identity crisis... Well, not lately... It's been developing for months, to be honest. It's just currently at its peak, that's all.
The image on the right is my latest self portrait drawn in Corel Painter 2018. But that's not really me... That's just how I perceive myself, how I represent myself as the cyber shadow known, most of the time, as "kitsu" or "kitsuyuutsu"... I've gone by other monickers as well. Kiki, kizza, Reverse Girl... They're all that same cyber shadow. I'm sure people have wondered over the years if I really look like my self portraits. The answer is, "In a way..." I mean, obviously I don't look like a manga character. No one does, except for those weird people that have surgery done to look like a manga or anime character. And those people look creepy! In any case... I do have brown hair and green eyes, that is a real depiction of the tattoo I sport on my left shoulder that I got last April... In general, this is how I look, just not as manga-esque. Obviously I'm an artist and... yes, I'm really that old. There, you got me... I gave myself away...
Llama Llove...

The point is, how I portray myself in my self portraits isn't my identity...
So, back to the original subject because I started to ramble and my train of thought jumped the track and derailed. Like that's anything new or unusual for me...
As I said, I've been in the depths of a lengthy identity crisis. Not that I haven't had them before... I have... They're annoying, maybe a bit frightening, frustrating and confusing. They always seemed to involve changes within myself, such as maturing. Sometimes it's due to outside changes that cause changes in my maturity level or how I perceive life.
I don't like change... I'll be the first one to admit that I have a massive problem with even slight changes, let alone major ones. I'm a control freak... I'm not proud of that, per se... It's just the way I've always been, so I see it as nothing more than a personality trait, one that can make my life a living hell... I make it sound as if nothing ever changes and I lead a very boring life. Don't get the wrong idea. I do change things... like the color of the walls in my house, the way furniture is arranged, the decor... I change my hair style, color, the style of clothes I wear... Change is fine if they're changes I want to make, changes that I have control over. But changes I don't like, don't want or have no control over...? That's a totally different story...
Truer words were never written...

Thus the reason for my current situation... There are a lot of major changes occurring in my life right now that I really don't like and have absolutely no control over. But it's not just that... These are changes that leave me questioning who I am if not the person I've been for all these years before the changes and what my purpose is now. I'm not sure what role I'm supposed to play right now and it's really freaking me out to the point where I feel really... lost...
I've been discussing this with one of the friends I've made online lately... Over the last few years, she's become one of my best friends. We think a lot alike and are always there to try and help each other not lose our marbles when faced with a shit ton of stresses. So when I was telling her about my current situation and how I was feeling about all these huge life changes, she did the best thing anyone could have done... She sent me the image on the right. Isn't it hysterical...?! I laughed so hard when I saw this because it's relevant in so many ways. It's a reminder to me that I can't control everything, so I shouldn't try. And my hair is a reminder of that fact! My hair is naturally curly which, sadly, means massive frizz when it's humid. Even if it's not humid, natural curl has a mind of its own. Trying to style it is like wrestling with an octopus... Granted, my hair has never looked as bad as this poor woman's, not even on its worst day. But it's incredibly comical! I'm going to have it printed and use it as a motivational poster, haha!
Get your chakras in order, people...

In an attempt to deal with stresses, changes and trying to find myself, I've recently taken to trying meditation...
I correspond with my favorite uncle through the mail on a regular basis... That sounds old fashioned... But he lives a great distance from me and besides, it's nice to get mail that isn't just bills or junk mail, isn't it? Everyone should try the lost art of letter writing! Anyway... He's a very intelligent, open-minded man and is very sweet. For some time, now, he's been telling me to try yoga and meditate. He reminds me of my great aunt (his aunt) who tried natural remedies for everything.
But I'm a procrastinator... I kept telling myself I was going to try these things and never seemed to have enough motivation to follow through with either. I loathe exercise, so even something as non-strenuous as yoga sounded like too much effort. And meditation...? That seemed too difficult. When you have a mind like mine, the kind that usually has a dozen thoughts running through it at once at any given time, it's damn near impossible to get it to go blank. It doesn't even slow down when I sleep. I dream most of the night and the more active I am in my dream, the more tired I am when I wake up. Seriously, I wish there was a switch that I could just turn my brain off when I need to...
Just breathe...

One day, while out shopping at one of my favorite stores, I found this book. It was sitting on a display stand near the entrance, almost as if it were waiting there just for me. I took it as a sign... I should buy the book and get my ass in gear and figure out this whole meditation thing. As you can see, I bought the book... I read the whole thing in a few days (I would have finished it sooner, but time didn't allow). It's very well written, simple to understand and very thorough. It even has pictures to show various positions you should use when meditating.
One morning, I decided I understood what this meditation thing was all about, now, and gave it a go. It was an amazing experience! I felt very energized and ready to face my day, something that never happened before...
My uncle, it turns out, was right. Meditation is a big help. And it's not just for people plagued by stress or anxiety... Anyone can find value in meditation. For those wanting to try it, I recommend getting the book pictured on the right, the one I bought. It's highly informative.
My newest love...
I've also found a new obsession...
I'm a sucker for the smell of patchouli... A lot of people I've encountered don't care for it much, but I've always found it very soothing. I have quite a few candles, all that particular scent, because the scent relaxes me.
A few days ago, I was surfing the internet and learned some very interesting things that patchouli is useful for, including easing stress and anxiety. I was actually looking for scent that I could wear and I came across the perfume on the left. Pacifica's Himalayan Patchouli Berry, sold by Ulta Beauty. It sounded like a nice scent, so I ran out to Ulta...
I'd never been in that store before that day... It's overwhelmingly huge! I had a difficult time finding where they hid their fragrances, but I ultimately found them. I used the tester, sniffed my wrist and was greeted by the most heavenly scent! I couldn't stop sniffing myself! I'm sure the other customers thought I'd lost my mind... Whatever, I was happy, what did I care? Needless to say, I bought the perfume and, lucky me, they had one roll-on of this scent left, so I snagged that to keep in my purse. It's made a major difference in my mood and anxiety levels. I can be calm and smell good!
Tty me next year...

This weekend, I saw a bit of the person I was before... It was really nice to see her again, even if it was for only a day. It gave me hope that, maybe, I can reconnect with her, the person I was. It's such a corny line, saying that you're going to "find" yourself... But that's what I have to do. Identity is so much more than how we portray ourselves to others, whether in real life or on the internet.
So... I need to do some soul searching, find that person I lost along the way. Who knows... Maybe she'll turn up here in this blog from time to time, the person behind the monickers and false names...
But there's something to be said for staying in the shadows when you're out in cyberspace. Am I right...?

Monday, April 16, 2018

But It's All In Your Head...

Best motivational poster ever...
For those who haven't figured it out already... Seriously, why haven't you figured it out?! I mean, I think it's pretty obvious from the bizarre nature of my posts and the things I say in them... It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what the hell the deal is with me...
Anyway...
I suffer from bipolar disorder, what they used to refer to as manic-depressive, and a rather crippling case of anxiety. Sadly, there is a lot of stigma surrounding mental disorders. And even I'm not immune to their misinformation, though sometimes it was warranted...
I once worked with a woman who had paranoid schizophrenia. She seemed normal enough until she had a psychotic episode while talking to me. The exact content of her delusion, I'll never forget, was, "They (the government) came to my house and drugged me, then they broke my grandson's legs right in front of me because THEY DON'T WANT ME PRAYING!!!" Whoa! What the actual fuck?!? I had no idea what was going on. But it only took me a few seconds to figure it out. It's hard to know what to do in such situations... So I did the only thing I could think of. I looked at her, shocked and sad, shook my head and (thankfully convincingly) said, "Oh my God, that's terrible!" There were times when she would chant to herself... And we worked around large, sharp kitchen knives! I used to have some of the other employees casually pass by because I was fearful she was going to sneak up behind me and jam a knife into the back of my fucking head... The thing is, even I thought she was fucking nuts, and if someone with a mental illness says that, you know she was nuts...
She had beautiful rainbow hair...

However, not all mental illnesses are this way... That's only one example of a severe case of a very serious mental illness in a woman who wasn't taking her medication at the time. Not every case is so severe or uncontrollable. Not everyone has delusions or even the same types. In the case of paranoid schizophrenics, their delusions, more often than not, involve government conspiracies and/or religion. But that also doesn't mean that all people who believe in government conspiracies is mentally ill. I mean really, every person associated with the government intentionally makes people paranoid by dodging questions or giving vague, cryptic answers to questions. So no, Fox Mulder from The X-Files wasn't schizophrenic... He just had normal paranoia where the government was concerned...
The best depiction of bipolar disorder...

But back to my misfortune...
I feel I need to clear up things for those who fall prey to the stigmas of mental illnesses. The image to the left is, by far, the best depiction of what it's like to suffer from bipolar disorder. It's a real crapshoot...
There are various forms of the disorder, one more severe than the other. Thankfully, I have the milder of the two. So let me explain what it's like to live this way every day...
One thing every bipolar person suffers from is mood swings. It's a real pain in the ass... You could wake up feeling cheerful and five minutes later, you're either so down you just can't function or you're ready to rip off someone's head and shit down their neck... literally... Nothing needs to set you off, either, like your lazy coworker or a fight with your significant other. Your brain just shifts gears much like you do in a standard shift car. So even if you wake up and say to yourself, "I feel great today! It's going to be an awesome day!", you can't count on that because your mood changes day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. Yes, sometimes it can yo-yo back and forth that fast. Continuously roll a pair of dice... What are the odds that you'll roll the same combination every time? Not good... That's what it's like to be bipolar. See...? It's a real crap shoot...
Oh what fun...
The image on the right gives you a vague idea of what the moods are like. I, personally, spend most of my time in the latter two, hypomanic and depressive. I wish I experienced manic episodes more often. I tend to be incredibly productive during those times. And I mean productive to the point where people look at me strangely, as if I took speed... I'm overly hyper in my speech and I go above and beyond in normal activities. For example, one day I decided to bake cookies. The idea came out of the blue and I was overly psyched about the idea. I ended up baking non-stop, from the time I got up until I went to bed, for four days! On the fourth day, I was starting to come down and decided I no longer felt like baking. I finished the last batch and had way too many Christmas cookies to show for it. Other times, it's crazy house cleaning, like getting on my hands and knees to scrub the floor or pulling off oven knobs, soaking them and then scrubbing them just because "they needed it". I end up cleaning every little thing and my house is more sterile than sterilization chambers. Sadly, I don't get that mania often. I wish I did... I get so much done! But there are down sides to mania. Sometimes it takes a bad direction and you're a lot like Dr. David Banner, "Don't make me angry... You wouldn't like me when I'm angry...", then you turn into the raging green dude called The Hulk... Or it takes yet another route, "I'm Wonder Woman! I'm invincible!" That's probably the most frightening because you can do dangerous things because you feel nothing can stop you.
What a life...
The majority of the time, my natural state is beyond couch potato... It's as if my "get up and go" just "got up and went" and left no forwarding address. It's not a fun existence... There is so much I need to do yet I have no energy to do it. It's not fun to look around you and see a good layer of dust on your furniture, dishes and laundry piling up, yet you just can't get your lazy ass up to do anything about it. You hate looking at the disaster that is your house to the point that you're miserable, but you just can't seem to get up and clean anything up. You and the couch have become one and that's about it. It had you in its warm embrace, you're nice and comfortable... Fuck it... You'll get to those things later. But you never do... Short of setting a bomb off under your ass, you're not going anywhere...
What a mindset...
Then there's soul-sucking depression...
I don't just mean feeling blue because it's been raining too long or you're sad because you had to put your pet down... Oh no... I mean real depression, the kind that makes you hate yourself, question your existence and, at times, makes you want to end it all because it's the only way you think you'll ever stop the emotional pain you're feeling. Sure, we've all had things that made us feel at least similar to this. For example, when a loved one passes away, someone you love betrays you, a relationship ends... But it's different in bipolar people. They experience that degree of depression (or higher) for no apparent reason. You hate/loathe/despise yourself for totally unreasonable things and you assume that, if you feel that way about yourself, others feel that way about you, too. So you isolate yourself... You don't go out, you don't talk to anyone. But isolation only makes you feel worse about yourself. How fucked up is this...?!
And five minutes later, you can feel like you can do anything and are ready to go out and take on the whole world in a solo mission... Who needs to hide under that blanket all day, safe and warm, protected from anything outside of said blanket? Unfortunately, that doesn't happen often. Most of the time, depression sets in, sets up permanent camp and there isn't thing one you feel you can do about it...

It's always after you...
Then there's anxiety...
It's difficult to describe the feeling. It's more than just fear... Everyone is afraid at some point. You get that sudden jolt, the "fight or flight" response kicking in. Your heart starts pounding, you break out in a sweat and your brain is screaming at you to get the hell out of dodge. Everyone has had that feeling at some point. And if you haven't... you better go see a doctor because you may be a psychopath...
But anxiety isn't like that... All of a sudden, out of nowhere, you're terrified and you have no idea what you're terrified of. Even if you do know, it's usually an irrational fear anyway, which makes you feel even worse... The biggest problem is that whatever is causing the fear isn't coming from an outside source. It's all in your head... And that's a difficult place to escape from...
Yes... they do...
However, the most annoying and crippling part of anxiety is the fact that having anxiety gives you more anxiety...
For example, most people engage in odd behavior when they have anxiety issues. Your brain creates the behavior as a way to squelch the anxious feelings. Your brain has good intentions and, for a short while, the behaviors seems to help. But, over time, you realize that these behaviors are odd, you're not like other people. Because of that, you feel more anxious, so the behaviors get worse, which leads to more anxiety, more odd behavior... It just keeps going around and around, like a vicious circle. It's like being on a merry-go-round you can never seem to get off of no matter how hard you try...
We all wear one...

And so you go one, every day, hiding behind a mask so no one knows how you really feel...
There are a lot of things out there that tell you to dump negative people from your life because you don't need negativity. That's really cruel... Negative people are usually troubled people who need help, could use kind words or gesture, to know someone cares. So these people are telling you to turn your back on people who are crying out for help. Mighty white of them... Jackasses...

I hope someone found this informative and now has a better understanding of the trials and tribulations that mentally ill people face every day.
And the next time you run across a negative person, remember that some kindness may make a world of difference for someone...

Thursday, November 30, 2017

How Do You Retro...?

Yes, I drew 'shrooms...
This is a question I came up with some time ago and pose to people all over the internet.
By definition, "retro" means:
relating to, reviving, or being the styles and especially the fashions of the past: fashionably nostalgic or old-fashioned, a retro look
Meaning that any style from any era can be considered "retro". It also means that people who engage in this practice don't necessarily retro the same. Some may retro in the style of the 1920s or 1950s... Or the 1850s, for that matter. Everyone who retros does so differently. So I've decided, for no particular reason whatsoever, to write this entry to tell you how yours truly retros...
Now THAT'S funky...

I, personally, prefer the styles of the 1970s. I'm not sure why... Maybe it's because, at the risk of dating myself, here, it was the era I was born into (I fall in the middle of the Generation X category) and was surrounded by in the early, very influential, years of my life.
I never said it was a stylish era... Actually, I think that most styles from the seventies were based on a dare or came out of someone's nightmare. Like the decor of the room pictured on the right... It's like a waking night terror or the image of one hell of an acid trip. Yet I find this interior disaster appealing in some way. Though I think it would look better if the pattern was only used on one wall, creating what they call an "accent" wall. This is a little much on the eyes... In any case, people who went with the times during this era thought they were stylish in their own right. Who am I to say otherwise...?
The seventies bachelor pad...

The seventies had a very specific color scheme, especially where decor was concerned. Warm, natural hues were all the rage. Earth tones such as various shades of brown, orange, yellow (gold in particular) and green (particularly olive green) were among the more popular colors to use. Case in point, the home I grew up in was built at the tail end of the early seventies. The walls of the living room, dining room and hallway were a light gold color and the sculpted carpet was a mix, gold with hints of olive green. The area above our kitchen cupboards was covered with this hideous wallpaper. The background of this was dark brown and was covered in what looked like cabbage roses in rust, gold and olive green... Yes, that was some butt-ugly wallpaper. So ugly, in fact, that it will forever be burned into my brain like it scarred me for life. But don't let this mislead you into thinking that the color scheme of the seventies was ugly... I personally find strong earth tones such as these to give your home a warm, comforting feel. It's just that some designers happened to use those shades in hideous patterns or combinations.
Wicker craze...
White was also another popular shade of the era, as seen here on the right in this cheerful, sunny room, where it was used in combination with a deep yellow. Burgundy was another popular color of the time, especially in clothing. My father, for example, owned this pair of burgundy colored, polyester bell-bottom pants that he wore with this satin like, light slate blue shirt with weird streaks of a darker slate blue and burgundy... Cross my heart and kiss my elbow, he did. I have pictures to prove it. Scary pictures...
Later in the seventies, robin's egg blue became a popular color. This was especially a popular shade in polyester leisure and pant suits...
But we'll delve more into fashion later... As you can see in the picture of the sun room on the right, wicker furniture was also a big decor fad. Most of it seemed to come in white for some reason. Chairs like the Morticia Addams chair were quite popular as were rattan chairs and ones that looked something like eggs with one side cut out. Although, by the look of them, I have a feeling the latter were not exactly popular decor with claustrophobics. They seem rather... confined...
One way we "old timers" listened to music...

The seventies was also a great time for music. I'm sure there are those who would argue with me on that... Don't get me wrong, I love a wide variety of music from all eras and genres. But if I had to choose a favorite, it would have to be the seventies. In today's age of rap and pop, most of which sounds suspiciously the same no matters whose name is on it, the seventies, in comparison, was like the primordial pool of melody. Musical groups were very free in their expression and experimentation. Chicago and Earth, Wind and Fire, for instance, made strong use of brass instruments. Other groups went with stringed instruments or, in the case of Led Zeppelin, used cello bows to play electric guitars. A multitude of genres were also spawned during this era. Hard driving rock (what people call "classic rock" today), soft rock, pop, disco... Even some classical pieces (particularly Beethoven) were revamped with a disco beat.
As for how music was played, vinyl records were still a popular method, though turntables had advanced from their early predecessors... There are some that will tell you that vinyl still gives you the best sound. And I'm one of them... Even with all the advancements of digital media, one thing they haven't seemed to be able to capture is the same sound quality vinyl offers. The sound that comes from a vinyl record is very warm and rich, something you don't experience with an mp3 file. It's difficult to explain... One has to experience it themselves...
In the days before mp3s...
Vinyl is one of my favorite methods of listening to music. There are some tunes you can't find anywhere else but on vinyl. It's also an obsession for me, for some reason... I have, currently, over 700 45RPM records and as many LPs. I even have a few 78RPM records... I'm like the queen of vinyl!
Another method of listening to music at the time was the dreaded 8 track cassettes... They were something like the "missing link" between records and cassettes. I once bought an old stereo with an 8 track player in a thrift store (I had found some great albums on 8 track at yard sales so I needed a player). I have to say, this was one of technology's biggest faux pas... Maybe it was just me, but I could never figure out how in the hell to change tracks correctly. When I would want to listen to a song further into the album and I tried to skip ahead,  could never seem to get it to the beginning of the song. It was just a frustrating device...

Men's fashions...

And women's fashions...
Seventies fashion... Now there was a disaster...
Aside from the severe overuse of polyester, which wasn't exactly a comfort fabric (it's not soft to the touch and doesn't let your skin breathe), a lot of styles were just awful! Butterfly collars, satin like shirts, wild patterns (for reference, check out the funky pants in the men's fashion picture)... And, contrary to what these pictures show, a lot of people mismatched clothing. Like they got up and got dressed in the dark or their mommy dresses them funny kind of mismatching... A good example of this is any episode of The Brady Bunch that was made in the first few years of the seventies, or the last few years of the series, depending on how you choose to look at it. Seriously, go watch a few episodes... You'll see what I mean...
But not all seventies fashions were a disaster. That era also gave us or made popular things such as clogs, knee-high boots worn with skirts, turtle and cowl necks, platform shoes...
It also gave us my personal favorite fashion statement: bell-bottoms...
Bell-bottom pants came in a variety of fabrics, but I prefer denim. Today they have "boot-cut" jeans, what they called "flair" jeans in the late seventies and early eighties. Though the bottom of the legs aren't as wide as their predecessor, boot-cut jeans share one feature with bell-bottoms that I think is the most redeeming feature... These type of pants are the best thing in the world for people (like myself) that have thin legs. They're tight fitting in the thighs to show off the fact that you're thin and the flaring at the bottom hides the fact that your calves are so thin it looks like you're balancing yourself on a couple of toothpicks. Yeah, there are downsides to being thin and skinny "bird legs" are the biggest downside. Thankfully, the seventies gave us fashions to cover up that problem.
Yeah, we really did this...
Another staple of the seventies, at least in my house, were the clothing patterns. Granted, patterns, like the ones on the right, have been around since... well, probably the beginning of time... They're still around today and probably will be until the end of time. Who knows... In any case, my mother (who is an excellent seamstress whereas I can barely sew a button back on) had probably hundreds of these packs. I was forever being carted off to the fabric store where I lost a lot of time I'll never get back looking at patterns and fabrics. Granted, at the time, it was a thrifty way of having new clothing (today it's cheaper to buy clothing rather than make it) if you were talented enough to make it.
However, in my case, it was torture... As I said, my mother was forever carting me to fabric stores to buy patterns, then, for further torture, she would lead me through the aisles of fabric bolts so I would get first look at whatever un-godly fabric type and/or color pattern she was going to be using. If that isn't bad enough, she would often buy a lot of one particular fabric. I knew what that meant... It meant that she was planning on making matching outfits for me and my sister... Let me tell you, and I'm speaking from experience, it is in no way cute to dress your children in matching outfits when there is a large difference in their ages. My sister is five years my senior and we don't resemble each other at all. Many people look at me as if I'm lying when I tell them she's my sister because we look so different. Trust me when I say that, under those circumstances, it is in no way cute to dress your children in matching outfits... The worst of these were the dreaded Christmas outfits... My mother chose a red corduroy that was printed with dark green squares that resembled patches to make us matching pants and vests. The only difference was that I wore a red turtleneck and my sister wore a green one. I have pictures of that horror to prove it as well. Scary pictures...
Skateaway...
Not necessarily a "fashion", more like a wearable trend, were roller skates. Back in the seventies, the ones pictures here on the left were a popular style worn in roller rinks. It's a miracle people weren't breaking or spraining ankles on a regular basis. Unlike the higher topped skates of today which offer more ankle support, these offered nothing of the sort.
Metal skates with metal wheels were also still used at the time. They were like a framework that slipped over your sneakers and came with a metal "key" used to adjust the size and tighten it so it wouldn't slip off your shoe.
Roller skating was a very popular activity of the seventies. Some rinks even had contests, a sort of "dance off" on skates.
Sadly, much as I love roller skating, that's one activity I was never good at... Where most of my friends learned to skate as children, I was so terribly uncoordinated and fearful that, hard as I tried, I never learned the same grace as everyone else. I can skate, to a point, but I move rather slowly. And I think my days of roller skating are now over. The last time I had gone, some fat kid intentionally slammed into my back, hooking my left skate with his right. I was airborne for a moment before slamming fully onto the rink. This resulted in a severely bruised tailbone that hurt so badly I can't even describe it and a sprained hand and wrist that was visibly bruised and so swelled my thumb looked like a sausage link...
Goldie Hawn circa 1978...
But I digress...

One of the better parts of the seventies was hair styles... Shag cuts, like the one Goldie Hawn is sporting in the picture on the right from my favorite movie, Foul Play, were popular in the latter part of the decade. Styles like this worked for most hair types, were fairly easy to maintain and didn't take a lot of time and effort.
Unless you were Farrah Fawcett...
She took the shag cut to extremes. In her case, this simple, easily maintained look turned into something that was more like an all day project that required a curling iron and an entire can of Aqua Net hairspray. Personally, I blame her for the hole in the ozone layer being as big as it is... Back then, no one gave a thought to what the CFCs in aerosols were doing to the environment. And thanks to Farrah, there were a great deal of women wanting to capture her look and releasing an insane amount of CFCs into the atmosphere. Actually, the only people to benefit from that craze were the CEOs and stockholders of the Aqua Net company...
The Bee-Gees, circa the disco era...
Even men's hair styles were attractive, like the one sported by Barry Gibb (the brother in the middle) in the picture on the left. This feathery look was all the rage and gave men a nice, flowing look to their hair. Sadly, it didn't work as well for the other two brothers in the picture who had less hair than Barry and youngest brother Andy...
But there were some bad men's styles as well... like the "man perm" that was often paired with the "1970s porn star" mustache. That was a god awful look... Again, for proof of this, go to The Brady Bunch... Robert Reed sported the "man perm" in the latter years of the show and it was joined by the mustache in the reunion TV movies...
However, the best part about hair styles of the seventies was that, no matter how scary or awful they look now, back then every style was good. It didn't matter if your hair hung to your ass like thin, greasy, limp spaghetti or if it was so curly and frizzy that it stuck out five feet from your head in an afro type style (even whites rocked that look). This was the seventies... Every style looked good! Seriously, it was like an entire decade of history where no one was ever considered as having a "bad hair day" because all styles were acceptable. That's one mind-set we need to readopt... Imagine never feeling like you're having a "bad hair day" ever again. Sounds like nirvana, doesn't it...?
My personal retro style butterfly...

And then we come to retro odds and ends...
Butterflies were a popular theme in the seventies for whatever the reason. Thankfully, they still seem to be in fashion. A few years ago, I found outdoor decorative hangings, specifically the one pictured here on the right. I bought this metal butterfly as well as one with a metal frame and glass wings. But they were too beautiful to hang outside in the elements and, as they matched the rest of my retro style decor, I decided to hang them in the house instead. They certainly provide that seventies feel that I love so much.
Time enough at last...
They're also quite colorful!
Another item, made popular in the late sixties/early seventies, was the "starburst" or "sunburst" clock pictured on the left. We had one hanging in the living room of the home I grew up in. One day, my mother decided to take it down and throw it out for trash. I was devastated! I know it was no longer working, but I loved the clock so much, I rescued it from the trash when she wasn't looking and snuck it into my bedroom closet. I kept it there for years until I felt it was safe to hang and not have it confiscated. Just for the hell of it, I decided to plug it in and found that it had begun working again! It's graced my walls since and hangs in my living room to this day, still running smoothly.
The one pictured here is one I found on eBay. It was converted to run on batteries (whereas mine still runs off an electrical chord) but it is literally the exact same clock I rescued from being thrown out all those years ago. Imagine my surprise to find that this clock was listed for $160! Damn...
(left-right) Paula Janis, Sherlock and Carole Demas
But let's not leave out some other aspects of the seventies, like television programs...
I was a child during this decade, so obviously I was watching children's programs. My favorite was a show titled The Magic Garden that featured two young women in pigtails, Paula and Carole, pictured on the right with a pink squirrel puppet named Sherlock. They played acoustic guitars and sang songs like The Hello Song, My Little Rooster and See Ya while sitting on tree swings. There was also a patch of giggle daisies called "The Chuckle Patch" that would provide the young women with jokes to read off to the children watching. To this day, I still love this show. And for anyone that would like to see the kinds of children's shows we watched then, they have a website as well as a Facebook page.
So there you have it... That's how I retro...
But the question still remains... How do you retro...?
Do The Hustle...

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Is there anybody out there...

You will, too...
Good heavens, it's been about a year and a half since I've last made a blog entry... Not that it matters, really. I'm getting a sneaking suspicion that no one reads my mindless drivel anyway. That's okay... I write this mostly to amuse myself. But I always hope someone else is reading this and being amused or at least somewhat engrossed by my randomness. I like to make people laugh or give them something interesting to think about.
But, looking back, my last few entries were... pretty fucking depressing... I guess is the best way to put it. I was in a pretty dark place, there, for a while. That's what usually comes when I have a massive creative block or a lot of stress weighing me down. Saying my life was a giant shit storm for a time is an understatement. It was more like a category 5 shit hurricane. And it's been like that for several years. I lost a very close friend of 27 years to cancer, a few months later my brother-in-law suddenly died of a heart attack, then I watched another loved one falling prey to and deteriorating from cancer until she finally passed away. No wonder I had these blocks... It's taken me quite some time to come to terms with all these deaths of people so close to me. I'm not sure I've totally come to terms with all this, but I'm a bit better, mentally, than I was. I'm sure that's understandable to most everyone.
Thanks to The Brothers Johnson...

At the very least, as you can see, my art block is being slowly lifted. I won't lie and say it's totally gone and I'm a creative machine. There are days I try to work on art or a story I'm writing and either nothing happens or I get so far before my brain just shorts out. But at least there's something rattling around in my skull again. That makes me happy.
As an example, turn your eyes to the right... This is my latest work. I've actually done a multitude of versions of this concept, but I like this one best. Maybe because I put a lot of detail in it, a lot of time and effort... Maybe because I managed some pretty funky effects. Who knows...
This work was inspired by the funky seventies tune "Strawberry Letter 23" by The Brothers Johnson. It's such a wonderful song! In particular, the instrumental mid tune... So I've read, the brother who composed it was inspired by a girlfriend he had at the time that would send these letters (I believe they were strawberry scented) to him. In the song, he referrences Strawberry Letter 22 the entire time, as the twenty-second letter was the last he received. The title referrences his anticipation of the next letter he'd receive from her, the twenty-third... Most impressive is the fact that he was only seventeen years old when he wrote it. Pretty sensitive content for a horny teen to write...
Llama tunes...

On another, stranger note...
I've always had this odd love of llamas, ever since I was about seven years old. My parents had taken my sister and I to the Game Preserve (which is now referred to as a "zoo") to see the animals. They even had a petting area so you could get up close and personal with the animals. You have to understand... this was a long time ago when people weren't afraid that farm animals would hurt you and there was no paranoia of, "Oh my god, you touched an animal... WHERE THE FUCK IS THE HAND SANITIZER?!?" Hell, we had an open sandbox my parents built that the cats... well... you know what they thought it was for. We would just toss it out and keep playing. And we're still here to talk about it... But back to the llama discussion... The petting area had goats, sheep... and llamas. Yeah, they didn't consider or worry that they spit. It wasn't an issue anyway... Now, it was the first time I had ever seen a llama and I just adored them from the start. I was petting one in particular for a long time, talking to him. When I walked away to pet another animal, I suddenly felt something bump me in the back. It was the llama I had been petting. I gave him a few more strokes, talked to him, then walked off to pet another animal. Again, I felt a bump in my back, turned around and there was my llama friend. I got a lot of stares that day... Everywhere in the fenced in area that I went, this llama followed me, bumping me with his head when my back was to him, so I would pet him. He was almost like a puppy... We couldn't figure out why he was following me. I didn't give any of the animals feed. I didn't even have any on me. I suppose, for whatever the reason, this llama was enamored with a seven year old girl. It was so bad, my mother had to open the exit gate and I had to run through so she could slam it shut behind me. If I hadn't, that llama would have followed me everywhere! That was when my love of llamas began (sadly, they've since done away with the petting area).
Dali Llama...
When I was in my early twenties, I had gone to a company picnic with the boyfriend I had at the time at the home of his boss. His boss was loaded... I never saw such a lavish place! For the kids, he had animals to pet. He had a few reindeer and llamas! I was ecstatic! I ran right over to pet the llama. The boyfriend I had yelled, "Don't pet the llama! They spit!" My reaction was, "Pffft..." I went to pet it anyway. He was so sure I was going to be spit on. You can imagine his shock when it didn't and that it was in no way aggressive with me (though it didn't like him). I told him my story and told him I must be a llama whisperer or something...
Llama products have never been easy to find, however... The stuffed llama (the above picture with my old iPod) I bought at the same place where I had first met an enamored llama years ago. But that was pretty much it. Recently, however, llamas are the trend and it seems everything is llama! You can imagine how much I'm loving this! I've been overspending on anything and everything I find that has to do with llamas. Stuffed animals, pajama bottoms, slipper socks, wash tape, planners, journals, stickers... If it is a llama or it has a llama on it, it's coming home with me or I'm ordering it from some website. I've even looked into finding llama farms near me where I can go see some and pet them. Maybe I can get pictures with some, too! Aren't llamas great...?!
If I strip for you, will you strip for me...?

In another entry, I mentioned that I had made all these gif files for forums I used to belong to... Most of these gif files were made from scenes from music videos. More specifically, videos from Japanese rock bands... I really have no use for them anymore since the forums are defunct, but I really like some of the gif files I made, avatars, signature bars, etc... So what the hell, I'll close this entry with one of my favorite gif files I made from the SID video for "Sweet?"
I just love watching the way Aki rips off that tie, over and over again... Who knew such a simple act could be so damned hot and sexy...?
I'm assuming he knew or he wouldn't have done it for the video...

Wow... how hypnotic... and distracting...


Wednesday, June 1, 2016

It's A Total Bust...

This sums up everything...
Yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I actually had some inspiration! I had this wonderful idea in my head and had a very clear picture of it and how I wanted to create it. So I sat down, laptop and tablet on my lap, pen in hand, and committed myself to drawing. And that's when it all went south... What was in my head, clear a vision as it was, my hand was just not able to put it on canvas as I had wanted it to...
Before I got too frustrated with what I was trying to do, I decided to give up for the time being and work on another image I had in my mind. This one was just as clear a vision and I knew exactly how I wanted to create that one as well. So I moved on from the first idea and tried the next. And things went just as far south as the first one... Again, my hand just wasn't putting things on the canvas despite this clear vision I had... I decided to move on from that one before I got too frustrated as well and work on the third idea I had. But that one, too, didn't go as planned...
The pains of being an artist...
And so the art block continues...
It's hard for people who aren't artistic or rely on visions to create things to understand exactly how frustrating and sometimes devastating it can be to have this sort of ebb in the creative flow. And the longer it lasts, the more you begin to believe that you'll never be able to create again. For anyone creative, the inability to create is like a fate worse than death. We live to create, we create to live, plain and simple. Without that ability, it's as if life no longer has any meaning at all and everything comes crashing down in this horrible avalanche...
But I digress...
Usually when I have such blocks, I turn to the basics... I draw characters I have created or the characters of others just to keep my hand in the habit of drawing. Most of the time, that helps me to raise the art block. But not this time... It's so bad that I can't work on other avenues that I pursue, such as writing. I've written myself into corners that I just can't seem to get out of. So the block has grown into this massive, crushing weight that is holding all my creativity captive. It's a horrible feeling...
"Blah blah blah..."

But I do have some good news...
A few weeks back, I was feeling a bit down over the loss of a few forums I belonged to that had gone the way of the dinosaurs. I found myself missing that feeling of belonging, of having friends that shared my interests. It was a feeling I thought I would never be able to recapture no matter what I did.
However...
I found a forum a few years ago that I had thought about joining but, for some reason, I never did. This came to mind while I was lamenting the loss of the defunct forums, so I decided to take another look. This one, thankfully, was still active, so I decided to give it it a closer look. Needless to say, I decided to finally join up. It's a forum for fans of the anime Kagaku Ninja Tai Gatchaman, my favorite anime. Granted, I just joined a few days ago, but so far things are going as they had when I first joined other forums. Perhaps this one will become as the others had for me, a place where I can be myself and people are accepting of who I am.
My signature bar...
And who knows? Maybe joining this forum will help lift my art block. It did help in some ways so far... The picture on the right is the signature bar I made for the forum. It's a portion of a photo I took of one of my collectible figures of the series that I doctored up in one of my artsy programs. It may not be terribly creative, but it's something. And, at this point, I'll take whatever I can get...
Toodles...!
I really have no expectations on if or when this block will be lifted... It's better that way. It saves me from disappointment should it happen to fail to get rid of this damned block...