How Do You Retro...?

Yes, I drew 'shrooms...

This is a question I came up with some time ago and pose to people all over the internet.
By definition, "retro" means:

relating to, reviving, or being the styles and especially the fashions of the past: fashionably nostalgic or old-fashioned, a retro look

Meaning that any style from any era can be considered "retro". It also means that people who engage in this practice don't necessarily retro the same. Some may retro in the style of the 1920s or 1950s... Or the 1850s, for that matter. Everyone who retros does so differently. So I've decided, for no particular reason whatsoever, to write this entry to tell you how yours truly retros...

Now THAT'S funky...

I, personally, prefer the styles of the 1970s. I'm not sure why... Maybe it's because, at the risk of dating myself, here, it was the era I was born into (I fall in the middle of the Generation X category) and was surrounded by in the early, very influential, years of my life.
I never said it was a stylish era... Actually, I think that most styles from the seventies were based on a dare or came out of someone's nightmare. Like the decor of the room pictured on the right... It's like a waking night terror or the image of one hell of an acid trip. Yet I find this interior disaster appealing in some way. Though I think it would look better if the pattern was only used on one wall, creating what they call an "accent" wall. This is a little much on the eyes... In any case, people who went with the times during this era thought they were stylish in their own right. Who am I to say otherwise...?

The seventies bachelor pad...

The seventies had a very specific color scheme, especially where decor was concerned. Warm, natural hues were all the rage. Earth tones such as various shades of brown, orange, yellow (gold in particular) and green (particularly olive green) were among the more popular colors to use. Case in point, the home I grew up in was built at the tail end of the early seventies. The walls of the living room, dining room and hallway were a light gold color and the sculpted carpet was a mix, gold with hints of olive green. The area above our kitchen cupboards was covered with this hideous wallpaper. The background of this was dark brown and was covered in what looked like cabbage roses in rust, gold and olive green... Yes, that was some butt-ugly wallpaper. So ugly, in fact, that it will forever be burned into my brain like it scarred me for life. But don't let this mislead you into thinking that the color scheme of the seventies was ugly... I personally find strong earth tones such as these to give your home a warm, comforting feel. It's just that some designers happened to use those shades in hideous patterns or combinations.

Wicker craze...

White was also another popular shade of the era, as seen here on the right in this cheerful, sunny room, where it was used in combination with a deep yellow. Burgundy was another popular color of the time, especially in clothing. My father, for example, owned this pair of burgundy colored, polyester bell-bottom pants that he wore with this satin like, light slate blue shirt with weird streaks of a darker slate blue and burgundy... Cross my heart and kiss my elbow, he did. I have pictures to prove it. Scary pictures...
Later in the seventies, robin's egg blue became a popular color. This was especially a popular shade in polyester leisure and pant suits...
But we'll delve more into fashion later... As you can see in the picture of the sun room on the right, wicker furniture was also a big decor fad. Most of it seemed to come in white for some reason. Chairs like the Morticia Addams chair were quite popular as were rattan chairs and ones that looked something like eggs with one side cut out. Although, by the look of them, I have a feeling the latter were not exactly popular decor with claustrophobics. They seem rather... confined...

One way we "old timers" listened to music...

The seventies was also a great time for music. I'm sure there are those who would argue with me on that... Don't get me wrong, I love a wide variety of music from all eras and genres. But if I had to choose a favorite, it would have to be the seventies. In today's age of rap and pop, most of which sounds suspiciously the same no matters whose name is on it, the seventies, in comparison, was like the primordial pool of melody. Musical groups were very free in their expression and experimentation. Chicago and Earth, Wind and Fire, for instance, made strong use of brass instruments. Other groups went with stringed instruments or, in the case of Led Zeppelin, used cello bows to play electric guitars. A multitude of genres were also spawned during this era. Hard driving rock (what people call "classic rock" today), soft rock, pop, disco... Even some classical pieces (particularly Beethoven) were revamped with a disco beat.
As for how music was played, vinyl records were still a popular method, though turntables had advanced from their early predecessors... There are some that will tell you that vinyl still gives you the best sound. And I'm one of them... Even with all the advancements of digital media, one thing they haven't seemed to be able to capture is the same sound quality vinyl offers. The sound that comes from a vinyl record is very warm and rich, something you don't experience with an mp3 file. It's difficult to explain... One has to experience it themselves...

In the days before mp3s...

Vinyl is one of my favorite methods of listening to music. There are some tunes you can't find anywhere else but on vinyl. It's also an obsession for me, for some reason... I have, currently, over 700 45RPM records and as many LPs. I even have a few 78RPM records... I'm like the queen of vinyl!
Another method of listening to music at the time was the dreaded 8 track cassettes... They were something like the "missing link" between records and cassettes. I once bought an old stereo with an 8 track player in a thrift store (I had found some great albums on 8 track at yard sales so I needed a player). I have to say, this was one of technology's biggest faux pas... Maybe it was just me, but I could never figure out how in the hell to change tracks correctly. When I would want to listen to a song further into the album and I tried to skip ahead,  could never seem to get it to the beginning of the song. It was just a frustrating device...

Men's fashions...

And women's fashions...

Seventies fashion... Now there was a disaster...
Aside from the severe overuse of polyester, which wasn't exactly a comfort fabric (it's not soft to the touch and doesn't let your skin breathe), a lot of styles were just awful! Butterfly collars, satin like shirts, wild patterns (for reference, check out the funky pants in the men's fashion picture)... And, contrary to what these pictures show, a lot of people mismatched clothing. Like they got up and got dressed in the dark or their mommy dresses them funny kind of mismatching... A good example of this is any episode of The Brady Bunch that was made in the first few years of the seventies, or the last few years of the series, depending on how you choose to look at it. Seriously, go watch a few episodes... You'll see what I mean...
But not all seventies fashions were a disaster. That era also gave us or made popular things such as clogs, knee-high boots worn with skirts, turtle and cowl necks, platform shoes...
It also gave us my personal favorite fashion statement: bell-bottoms...
Bell-bottom pants came in a variety of fabrics, but I prefer denim. Today they have "boot-cut" jeans, what they called "flair" jeans in the late seventies and early eighties. Though the bottom of the legs aren't as wide as their predecessor, boot-cut jeans share one feature with bell-bottoms that I think is the most redeeming feature... These type of pants are the best thing in the world for people (like myself) that have thin legs. They're tight fitting in the thighs to show off the fact that you're thin and the flaring at the bottom hides the fact that your calves are so thin it looks like you're balancing yourself on a couple of toothpicks. Yeah, there are downsides to being thin and skinny "bird legs" are the biggest downside. Thankfully, the seventies gave us fashions to cover up that problem.

Yeah, we really did this...

Another staple of the seventies, at least in my house, were the clothing patterns. Granted, patterns, like the ones on the right, have been around since... well, probably the beginning of time... They're still around today and probably will be until the end of time. Who knows... In any case, my mother (who is an excellent seamstress whereas I can barely sew a button back on) had probably hundreds of these packs. I was forever being carted off to the fabric store where I lost a lot of time I'll never get back looking at patterns and fabrics. Granted, at the time, it was a thrifty way of having new clothing (today it's cheaper to buy clothing rather than make it) if you were talented enough to make it.
However, in my case, it was torture... As I said, my mother was forever carting me to fabric stores to buy patterns, then, for further torture, she would lead me through the aisles of fabric bolts so I would get first look at whatever un-godly fabric type and/or color pattern she was going to be using. If that isn't bad enough, she would often buy a lot of one particular fabric. I knew what that meant... It meant that she was planning on making matching outfits for me and my sister... Let me tell you, and I'm speaking from experience, it is in no way cute to dress your children in matching outfits when there is a large difference in their ages. My sister is five years my senior and we don't resemble each other at all. Many people look at me as if I'm lying when I tell them she's my sister because we look so different. Trust me when I say that, under those circumstances, it is in no way cute to dress your children in matching outfits... The worst of these were the dreaded Christmas outfits... My mother chose a red corduroy that was printed with dark green squares that resembled patches to make us matching pants and vests. The only difference was that I wore a red turtleneck and my sister wore a green one. I have pictures of that horror to prove it as well. Scary pictures...

Skateaway...

Not necessarily a "fashion", more like a wearable trend, were roller skates. Back in the seventies, the ones pictures here on the left were a popular style worn in roller rinks. It's a miracle people weren't breaking or spraining ankles on a regular basis. Unlike the higher topped skates of today which offer more ankle support, these offered nothing of the sort.
Metal skates with metal wheels were also still used at the time. They were like a framework that slipped over your sneakers and came with a metal "key" used to adjust the size and tighten it so it wouldn't slip off your shoe.
Roller skating was a very popular activity of the seventies. Some rinks even had contests, a sort of "dance off" on skates.
Sadly, much as I love roller skating, that's one activity I was never good at... Where most of my friends learned to skate as children, I was so terribly uncoordinated and fearful that, hard as I tried, I never learned the same grace as everyone else. I can skate, to a point, but I move rather slowly. And I think my days of roller skating are now over. The last time I had gone, some fat kid intentionally slammed into my back, hooking my left skate with his right. I was airborne for a moment before slamming fully onto the rink. This resulted in a severely bruised tailbone that hurt so badly I can't even describe it and a sprained hand and wrist that was visibly bruised and so swelled my thumb looked like a sausage link...

Goldie Hawn circa 1978...

But I digress...

One of the better parts of the seventies was hair styles... Shag cuts, like the one Goldie Hawn is sporting in the picture on the right from my favorite movie, Foul Play, were popular in the latter part of the decade. Styles like this worked for most hair types, were fairly easy to maintain and didn't take a lot of time and effort.
Unless you were Farrah Fawcett...
She took the shag cut to extremes. In her case, this simple, easily maintained look turned into something that was more like an all day project that required a curling iron and an entire can of Aqua Net hairspray. Personally, I blame her for the hole in the ozone layer being as big as it is... Back then, no one gave a thought to what the CFCs in aerosols were doing to the environment. And thanks to Farrah, there were a great deal of women wanting to capture her look and releasing an insane amount of CFCs into the atmosphere. Actually, the only people to benefit from that craze were the CEOs and stockholders of the Aqua Net company...

The Bee-Gees, circa the disco era...

Even men's hair styles were attractive, like the one sported by Barry Gibb (the brother in the middle) in the picture on the left. This feathery look was all the rage and gave men a nice, flowing look to their hair. Sadly, it didn't work as well for the other two brothers in the picture who had less hair than Barry and youngest brother Andy...
But there were some bad men's styles as well... like the "man perm" that was often paired with the "1970s porn star" mustache. That was a god awful look... Again, for proof of this, go to The Brady Bunch... Robert Reed sported the "man perm" in the latter years of the show and it was joined by the mustache in the reunion TV movies...
However, the best part about hair styles of the seventies was that, no matter how scary or awful they look now, back then every style was good. It didn't matter if your hair hung to your ass like thin, greasy, limp spaghetti or if it was so curly and frizzy that it stuck out five feet from your head in an afro type style (even whites rocked that look). This was the seventies... Every style looked good! Seriously, it was like an entire decade of history where no one was ever considered as having a "bad hair day" because all styles were acceptable. That's one mind-set we need to readopt... Imagine never feeling like you're having a "bad hair day" ever again. Sounds like nirvana, doesn't it...?

My personal retro style butterfly...

And then we come to retro odds and ends...
Butterflies were a popular theme in the seventies for whatever the reason. Thankfully, they still seem to be in fashion. A few years ago, I found outdoor decorative hangings, specifically the one pictured here on the right. I bought this metal butterfly as well as one with a metal frame and glass wings. But they were too beautiful to hang outside in the elements and, as they matched the rest of my retro style decor, I decided to hang them in the house instead. They certainly provide that seventies feel that I love so much.

Time enough at last...

They're also quite colorful!
Another item, made popular in the late sixties/early seventies, was the "starburst" or "sunburst" clock pictured on the left. We had one hanging in the living room of the home I grew up in. One day, my mother decided to take it down and throw it out for trash. I was devastated! I know it was no longer working, but I loved the clock so much, I rescued it from the trash when she wasn't looking and snuck it into my bedroom closet. I kept it there for years until I felt it was safe to hang and not have it confiscated. Just for the hell of it, I decided to plug it in and found that it had begun working again! It's graced my walls since and hangs in my living room to this day, still running smoothly.
The one pictured here is one I found on eBay. It was converted to run on batteries (whereas mine still runs off an electrical chord) but it is literally the exact same clock I rescued from being thrown out all those years ago. Imagine my surprise to find that this clock was listed for $160! Damn...

(left-right) Paula Janis, Sherlock and Carole Demas

But let's not leave out some other aspects of the seventies, like television programs...
I was a child during this decade, so obviously I was watching children's programs. My favorite was a show titled The Magic Garden that featured two young women in pigtails, Paula and Carole, pictured on the right with a pink squirrel puppet named Sherlock. They played acoustic guitars and sang songs like The Hello Song, My Little Rooster and See Ya while sitting on tree swings. There was also a patch of giggle daisies called "The Chuckle Patch" that would provide the young women with jokes to read off to the children watching. To this day, I still love this show. And for anyone that would like to see the kinds of children's shows we watched then, they have a website as well as a Facebook page.
So there you have it... That's how I retro...
But the question still remains... How do you retro...?

Do The Hustle...